I don’t have imposter syndrome. Whew, I finally said it.
“If you don’t have imposter syndrome, you are probably a man”
I’ll never forget I was in San Diego at the Searchlove conference. One of the speakers opened her presentation asking about imposter syndrome, she asked people to raise their hands if they’ve ever had it.
Almost everyone’s hands went up. Mine did not, it was easier to join the crowd but I keep it real, it wasn’t MY truth. The next thing she said, made me reflect and has sat in my psyche for the last 8+ years. She said…look around at how many people’s hands are up everyone has imposter syndrome, except for a few.
Within 5 minutes of her getting into her presentation she reflected on her opening, and said…remember earlier when I asked about imposter syndrome and everyone’s hands went up, I bet the only people who didn’t were men.
Ouch. Great opportunity to self reflect on why not me, is it because I’m a man, is it because I’m cocky or overconfident?
I’ve done a LOT of thinking on this topic since that was said and here are the reasons why I do not have imposter syndrome. I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for years (my poor wife has had to hear me working this out, checking myself, my biases, etc, for years)..I’ve been keeping this to myself cause I just didn’t feel like putting this out there, until last week...
Last week at an event called the HOPE summit with hopeworks, The panel got asked by a young lady in the crowd, how we deal with it and overcome it, it was the first time I publicly let out what I’ve known my whole life…I don’t have imposter syndrome.
I keep it 100 with young people, so I couldn’t hold this 5 year thought in any longer...
My Mom: They may have more money, bigger houses, etc but they are not better than you.
Many great things in my life come back to my mom, and I’m going to do my dang best to raise my kids with the confidence my mom instilled in me.
My mom recognized that she was raising a black boy, and “the talk” in our house wasn’t just about police, it was about “you aren’t going to get a fair shot” so be better. Tough.
It was drilled into my head from the jump…that because I’m black if I got a 3.5 GPA and a white kid got a 3.5, I wasn’t winning the job or the admission to college. If my resume was the same as my white counterparts, then I wasn’t going to get the job. I had to have confidence and the numbers to back it up.
I was told…
If you ever end up with average opportunities, you had to be above average to get there.
If you end up with above average opportunities you were going to have to be GREAT, and if you end up great you were likely exceptional.
The Private School Chat
I went to a catholic school, and while my first through 8th grade was mostly raised around kids like me with similar socio economic backgrounds, high school pulled from a lot more towns, and it was in that moment that I realized oh there’s new levels to this.
My mom would always remind me, these people have nicer houses, drive nicer cars, etc but they are NOT and will NEVER be better than you. You can’t be like them you have to be better than them.
Fun question to ask yourself: What is something that if you saw a family with you assumed they were rich? (mine: if they had a house with 2 doors on the front, they were loaded :))
Scoreboards are imposter syndrome repellant for me
When you don’t have a scoreboard, being “liked" is your currency. When you have a scoreboard “impact on goals” is your currency.
I was recently asked, how I deal with imposter syndrome, and I told the young lady who asked. I never had it. Then I went on to explain, this country seems to care a LOT more about green than it does black or white.
I always gravitated towards sports, “scoreboard bitch”.
I KNEW if I wasn’t good enough to start, I KNEW if I was.
I KNEW my batting average, and in the years where it was high, I made all star teams, I started all star teams, regional teams, etc. The years where it sucked, I was benched, I didn’t make those teams and win those awards. I didn’t get benched because I wasn’t liked.
I got benched because someone else’s contribution to the goal was higher than mine. That’s life.
The amount of practice I’d have to do to try to get close wasn’t worth it, but I knew I could practice more of I wanted it bad enough.
There was mom, every time I would say “the coach doesn’t like me” (no agency, out of my control) to say, “maybe you just arent good enough, you should practice more.” (agency, within my control).
What a mini scoreboard looks like
I remember I used to track hashtag usage at conferences, and if it was single track I would overlay hashtag usage by hour and then overlay the speaker schedule against hashtag usage. People would say “you crushed it” and that felt good and all, but it was that moment back at the hotel that mattered, the graphic that showed hashtag usage during my session.
You crushed it = Do they like me
Building a hashtag tracker = What is my value vs other speakers
Being leveraged vs Being Liked
Professionally, I don’t want or need you to like me, I want you to give me data that says YOU and I if it is you best interest to want me on your team because the data says I am likely to help you hit YOUR goals.
Search marketing, especially in the early days was just like a sport.
If I didn’t get the ranking, I sucked and I can study more, test more and get better.
That is great because I don’t spend time wondering “if I am liked” I spent my time getting better. There was no AltaVista or Hotbot algorithm that favored white folks. The numbers would tell me how good or great I was not some boss, all I needed was a scoreboard.
I continue to tell young people, get in a job with metrics.
Kids are always so surprised when I tell them I didn’t run into much overt racism in my corporate career. Why? I had metrics, data, etc that told me if I was an asset or not (and so did my managers).
That is why I encourage them to the best I can to go into a job where you can point and say “scoreboard bitch”. Just make sure your scoreboard moves revenue numbers and isn’t some vanity thing you made up to feel good about yourself.
If you are going to question your value, be around all stars.
We confuse launching websites, with analyzing the impact of that launch impact. We confuse speaking at conferences with being an asset to the conference attendees. We look for easy metrics to justify our worth, without the scrutiny on those metrics they deserve.
If you bat .300 in AA ball, YOU KNOW that isn’t winning. The goal is the pros. But in marketing if your email campaign gets a 10% higher CTR, you have no idea if that is winning in A ball or not, because you avoid being in places with all stars who might humble the same metrics that make you feel good and feed your ego.
Hang with all stars. Even if it exacerbates importer syndrome, its better than participation trophies that just lead to you questioning your value anyway.
Being the best in AA ball is never confused with being the best in the Pros.
I believe we should seek out being around people who have the potential to make our gains and wins smaller than we think, we need to be reminded of the levels, it is humbling.
Even when I sold sneakers at 16, I waited for the sales report to see how I did against the older sales people. When I worked at Amazon in a warehouse I tracked my speed to pick a full cart vs the average. I avoided the sameness conversation with others whom I saw as average, they all sounded the same, they complained about their pay, they hated the job, it is hot in the warehouse, etc etc.
I chose to spend my time with people who don’t complain. This impacts me even to this day. Too many of us choose small circles so we can avoid imposter syndrome, I think you should get in big circles and be humbled but also I spired to go harder.
Reward systems: Get married vs stay married
Where are you confusing an output (writing content) with an outcome (growing a business)?
Or as my brother and law in used to say:
Why do we spend all the money on getting married, when the real win is staying married, shouldn’t we have bigger parties every year you STAY married? Facts bro, facts.
At this point everyone has imposter syndrome
What's funny is right after I got asked that question.
I joined a meeting with some very heavy hitters and for a few minutes I felt, home smokes how am I here? But quickly I realized well if they are at this level and I got selected to be here someone thinks I can add value.
But at this point asking a room of people “who has imposter syndrome” is like asking who like travel, or who here likes breathing…so once everyone has it, does anyone?
Avoiding “minority certification” helped me avoid Imposter Syndrome
When I look at my clients there’s some big companies who have entrusted us at a time for their success. Many are very large, and we’re working on meaningful projects with. None ever came through a minority owned initiative.
What does this have to do with imposter syndrome? Everything.
I’ve avoided people & programs that explicitly say they want to help black and brown founders, why? So I don’t have to question for a second on whether or not my company is “good enough”.
This isn't a knock on people who do, I just wanted to prove to myself first and that took me 20 years.
I got work to do, so no ending to wrap up this 5 year long post that I finally wrote :)
